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In the course of counseling I hear certain charged words over and over again. Part of getting to know a new client is learning, what do these words mean to them? Often people will express frustration with me. How can I not know what “victim”...
“I know my daughter has issues Amy.” Polly has been talking to me on and off over the years about her now teenage daughter. “You keep telling me that my expectations are unrealistic, and that I need to see her more as who she is....
Marisol’s mother abandoned her on the streets of Mexico when she was four years old and Marisol survived, finding adults to give her food and shelter. For the next two years she slept under pieces of well-used cardboard, foraged for rotten food in garbage cans,...
Your co-worker’s child was in a serious accident, your neighbor’s father just passed away, or your best friend was diagnosed with a serious illness. You want to be helpful but you’re not sure what to do. Here are some ideas that people have shared with...
As a new hospice volunteer I was uncertain what to expect. The psychological process of sudden deaths was familiar to me as the director of a victim’s services program, but sitting with families who’s loved ones were dying over weeks and months was new and...
He’d started a new business from scratch a few years ago, and came in for some support. He outlined his business plan (which was solid), explained his background (offered him the necessary experience and skills), and shared how people were simply not buying his product....
Benny’s favorite activity as a little kid was going to church. Sunday School, volunteering at fundraising spaghetti dinners, youth group trips when she got older—there was nothing she wouldn’t do. She was a natural leader and encouraged other teens to join her. Soon she started...
Sean grew up with a single mom who worked two jobs to make sure he and his brothers always had what they needed. Between his mom’s work schedules and his siblings sporting events it was rare to have everyone home at one time. But every...
Dan and Darrel have a marriage with traditional roles. Dan works outside the home financially supporting the family. He takes the kids on outdoor adventures on the weekends, and gives Darrel a card once a year (on their anniversary). Darrel manages the home, their social...
“It doesn’t make sense. I am doing everything I’m supposed to do. I take my medication, ride my exercise bike a few times a week, eat more veggies and fruits, talk about my feelings (even though you know I hate that), and come here regularly....
“We’re here to work on our communication,” Sue said as she and her husband sat down. “I don’t think we know how to fight.” “Know how to fight?” said her husband Eric. “I’m sick of fighting! I want to be able to communicate better so......
“My goal for 2025 is to open my own art studio! I’ve been selling my creations on Etsy and at festivals, but I think it’s finally time for a brick and mortar shop.” Teddy, who came in for business coaching, bounced in his seat with......
“I can’t believe what my niece cooks for the holidays; it’s ridiculous,” exclaimed Ashley. “She already has a weight problem, as does the rest of her family! What am I saying? Of course they do. The house is full of cookies, candy, cakes, pies, and......
“It’s our family holiday tradition,” Betty exasperatedly explained. “We always go to the ski condo—grandparents, parents, spouses, kids, kids’ friends/partners, and great-grand kids. I can’t BELIEVE my sister isn’t coming this year. She is being so selfish! Our older family members don’t have many years......
“I’m scared we’re all gonna die,” Emma whispered. The five year old was creating an elaborate scene in the play room with 2 doll houses, numerous pieces of furniture, a variety of trees, people of all shapes and sizes, cars (“a fast one like my......
“I looked up the diagnosis on-line, and I think my mother’s a narcissist. She knows everything, endlessly talks about how important she used to be in her job (she’s retired), believe’s she’s SO special, and takes advantage of people around her.” Sue sat upright in......
“How often do you see your parents?” I asked Missy, a new Millennial client. “Oh, you know,” she answered evasively. I waited, but she didn’t continue. “What does that mean?” I wondered out loud. “I mean, they’re fine,” explained Missy. “My childhood was ok. No......
“I just want to make sure I’m doing everything right,” Rex explained. Rex had just moved to the area, and was coming in to talk about some life changes. “Doing it right?” I asked. “What do you mean?” “I kind of left my last......
“I do not know what to do with my employee,” Tristan breathed out an exacerbated sigh. “I’ve tried everything. It seems like he wanted more management time, so I set up an additional weekly meeting. Then he was having personal problems, so I brought in......
“My whole life I’ve dreamed of taking my kids camping. I even saved kid-size camping chairs from my childhood to set up around the campfire. I grew up fishing and hiking with my dad, and even loved winter camping trips with my fellow Boy Scouts.......
“I just can’t believe it, everything is different now,” Madeline sobbed, shoulders shaking as she reached for the tissue box. “What do you mean?” I softly asked. “We were fine. Mom and Daddy weren’t together, but we had our 2 houses and everything. Now it’s......
“I just found out my favorite aunt has terminal cancer,” Bobby shared. “She’s one of the most wonderful people in the world! She never missed a birthday, always came to my soccer games, and made me feel exceptionally special. I just can’t believe she’s dying.”......
“I am done with on-line dating!” Suzanne emphatically declared. “Oh no, what happened?” I asked. A few months ago Suzanne had passionately researched on-line dating options for people over 60, and landed on a few sites that focused on her age-range, retirement status, and her religious beliefs.
Bruce lives an enviable life. Having worked for years in the corporate world, his retirement includes the financial resources to afford luxurious vacations, high-end sports equipment, and a new modern home with expansive views. He enjoys an active dating life, attends various charitable functions, and connects regularly with his kids. As he was sharing all his accomplishments and resources with me, I began to wonder why he came in for counseling.
Bob started talking even before he sat down in the chair. “I’ve made so many changes in my life! Over the past few years I’ve stopped using substances, started exercising, included vegetables and fruit in my diet, reconnected with my adult kids, and just wrapped up my last debt payment. It’s like I’m a new person, and everyone is always complimenting me. But I still have times when I have the old thoughts and fight to not do old behaviors, like being mean and selfish to my family. I don’t want to be the old me anymore, but sometimes I feel like I can’t help it.”
Trevor looked at me with tears spilling onto his cheeks, “I just want to see my cousins for the solstice. We always go to their house. I don’t understand why I don’t get to go this year.” Trevor and I were in the middle of a play therapy session, surrounded by toys of food, dogs, cats, people, playground equipment, a grill, books, and his favorite stuffed animal. Trevor was creating a happy family celebration scene, and then showing me that unseen storm or force would come in and destroy the joyful scene.
