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Mary and Tom, married for 40 years, come into my office with one question: “Should we stay married or get divorced?” Tom grew up on a Midwestern farm, rising early to milk the cows and feed the chickens. He was the oldest of five, and...
Part of my job is traveling up and down the Front Range teaching business staff on a wide variety of topics, from How to Write a Professional Email (no, emojis are never appropriate), to Addressing Workplace Violence. One frequently-requested subject is Happiness. People want to...
“I have a basement full of boxes and crates, all holding precious memories. My oldest’s first tooth, my youngest’s baby blanket, my wedding dress…” Barbara trailed off and her husband (who’d been waiting politely) jumped in. “We have a basement that’s been full of precious...
Patrick had been dreaming about moving to Chile since he was a young man. Lunch breaks consisted of real estate searches, his bookshelves were full of Ramon Díaz Eterovic, Marcela Serrano and Pablo Neruda, and he’d been taking Spanish classes at Front Range Community College...
Forget the Jones. No matter how perfectly fabulous you are, there will always be Margaret’s award-winning pie crust, Saul’s impeccably-positioned Nutcracker seats, Betty’s magazine-cover decorations, and Joe’s gifts of individualized carvings. Stop trying to compete. You’ll simply miss your own holiday focusing on them. Don’t...
“She has survived so much! My life seems like a piece of cake compared to her experiences.” Sarah, new client, 22 years old “I don’t think I’m ever going to get out of this. No matter what I do, the hits just keep coming.” Martin,...
This election has elicited strong emotions and passionate debates. I’ve noticed much of the language used in conversations, both in the media and behind closed doors, incorporates victim/blaming language instead of language of curiosity and connection. “I might as well be a sitting duck. If...
“I’m just confused and hurt! I have been friends with my contractor for years. We had multiple meetings about my home addition and I thought we were in agreement about the project. But all of a sudden he’s refusing to finish my house, claiming that...
“You really, really don’t want kids, do you?” Bert leaned forward in his seat, pointing his finger at his wife. “You work 60 hours a week and in the evenings you always want to go out. You don’t have time for children!” Betsy rolled her...
Part of my job is obtaining Continuing Education Credits to renew my license and keep a variety of certifications current. The last couple of weeks I started sharing little bits of wisdom and provocative questions from my recent American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy...
“They’re just mean,” Kira said. “They act like they want to be friends with me, but then when I find them at lunch they ignore and exclude me. It sucks,” she emphasized. “I know I’m not popular or anything, but they could at least be......
“I’m so angry with my family,” Walt said. “I never get any breaks. Life is always about working on the house, or working at my job to pay the bills, or helping out our neighbors. Seriously, I never get any FUN time.” Walt’s wife, Cynthia,......
“I am endlessly tired, Amy,” Vivian said. “I know my son needs extra attention with his recent diagnosis. I know my daughter is struggling with me not being around enough. I know my parents need extra time as they’re aging. But seriously, how much more......
“I’ve always been a runner,” Jane explained as she struggled to settle into the chair and prop her foot up on the footstool. “It’s who I am. I found running in my 20’s and started doing local 5K’s. Then I moved up here and discovered......
“I just don’t get my family. I’ve worked hard my whole life to give them what they need, and want! At the start of my career I’d work 60 hours a week or more, two jobs most of the time. I missed piano concerts and......
“So there I am, pouring my heart out to my mom. My oldest son had recently been in a car accident, and broke his leg. Our main family car needed $2000 of repairs and our credit cards are maxed out. My youngest daughter’s cat ran......
Missy and Suzanne had been best friends since their husbands met over 30 years ago. Marriages, children, sick parents, moves, renovations, churches—they’d been through it all together. “But now,” said Missy, “now I don’t know what to do.” Suzanne came to Missy and shared that......
“My father survived terrible childhood trauma,” Tabby shared. “Although he never talks to me about it, my cousin shared that my grandfather was physically abusive. And I’ve heard my grandpa be verbally abusive. Plus addiction runs in my family. I have an uncle who’s sober,......
“We’re here to work on our communication,” Sue said as she and her husband sat down. “I don’t think we know how to fight.” “Know how to fight?” said her husband Eric. “I’m sick of fighting! I want to be able to communicate better so......
“My goal for 2025 is to open my own art studio! I’ve been selling my creations on Etsy and at festivals, but I think it’s finally time for a brick and mortar shop.” Teddy, who came in for business coaching, bounced in his seat with......
“I can’t believe what my niece cooks for the holidays; it’s ridiculous,” exclaimed Ashley. “She already has a weight problem, as does the rest of her family! What am I saying? Of course they do. The house is full of cookies, candy, cakes, pies, and......
“It’s our family holiday tradition,” Betty exasperatedly explained. “We always go to the ski condo—grandparents, parents, spouses, kids, kids’ friends/partners, and great-grand kids. I can’t BELIEVE my sister isn’t coming this year. She is being so selfish! Our older family members don’t have many years......
“I am done with on-line dating!” Suzanne emphatically declared. “Oh no, what happened?” I asked. A few months ago Suzanne had passionately researched on-line dating options for people over 60, and landed on a few sites that focused on her age-range, retirement status, and her religious beliefs.
Bruce lives an enviable life. Having worked for years in the corporate world, his retirement includes the financial resources to afford luxurious vacations, high-end sports equipment, and a new modern home with expansive views. He enjoys an active dating life, attends various charitable functions, and connects regularly with his kids. As he was sharing all his accomplishments and resources with me, I began to wonder why he came in for counseling.
Bob started talking even before he sat down in the chair. “I’ve made so many changes in my life! Over the past few years I’ve stopped using substances, started exercising, included vegetables and fruit in my diet, reconnected with my adult kids, and just wrapped up my last debt payment. It’s like I’m a new person, and everyone is always complimenting me. But I still have times when I have the old thoughts and fight to not do old behaviors, like being mean and selfish to my family. I don’t want to be the old me anymore, but sometimes I feel like I can’t help it.”
Trevor looked at me with tears spilling onto his cheeks, “I just want to see my cousins for the solstice. We always go to their house. I don’t understand why I don’t get to go this year.” Trevor and I were in the middle of a play therapy session, surrounded by toys of food, dogs, cats, people, playground equipment, a grill, books, and his favorite stuffed animal. Trevor was creating a happy family celebration scene, and then showing me that unseen storm or force would come in and destroy the joyful scene.
