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“I know my daughter has issues Amy.” Polly has been talking to me on and off over the years about her now teenage daughter. “You keep telling me that my expectations are unrealistic, and that I need to see her more as who she is....
Marisol’s mother abandoned her on the streets of Mexico when she was four years old and Marisol survived, finding adults to give her food and shelter. For the next two years she slept under pieces of well-used cardboard, foraged for rotten food in garbage cans,...
Your co-worker’s child was in a serious accident, your neighbor’s father just passed away, or your best friend was diagnosed with a serious illness. You want to be helpful but you’re not sure what to do. Here are some ideas that people have shared with...
As a new hospice volunteer I was uncertain what to expect. The psychological process of sudden deaths was familiar to me as the director of a victim’s services program, but sitting with families who’s loved ones were dying over weeks and months was new and...
He’d started a new business from scratch a few years ago, and came in for some support. He outlined his business plan (which was solid), explained his background (offered him the necessary experience and skills), and shared how people were simply not buying his product....
Benny’s favorite activity as a little kid was going to church. Sunday School, volunteering at fundraising spaghetti dinners, youth group trips when she got older—there was nothing she wouldn’t do. She was a natural leader and encouraged other teens to join her. Soon she started...
Sean grew up with a single mom who worked two jobs to make sure he and his brothers always had what they needed. Between his mom’s work schedules and his siblings sporting events it was rare to have everyone home at one time. But every...
Dan and Darrel have a marriage with traditional roles. Dan works outside the home financially supporting the family. He takes the kids on outdoor adventures on the weekends, and gives Darrel a card once a year (on their anniversary). Darrel manages the home, their social...
“It doesn’t make sense. I am doing everything I’m supposed to do. I take my medication, ride my exercise bike a few times a week, eat more veggies and fruits, talk about my feelings (even though you know I hate that), and come here regularly....
Before I could sit down Paul burst out, “I know she’s not interested in me.” Thoroughly confused I asked, “Who? Explain please!” Paul recently went on a first date and, although he was interested, he believed she was not. She cancelled multiple times, responded with...
“I’m not sleeping well, and I have no appetite. I find myself ending my days with a couple of beers more often then not. I don’t know what’s going on.” Robert stared out the sliding door at the frozen creek, with dark circles under his......
“I never cook for the holidays,” Matt grimaced. “I worked in the restaurant industry for years, and November and December were always a nightmare.” “People were constantly complaining: the turkey is dry, the pie crust should be more flaky, the latkes are too oily, you......
“I’ve never been in a fire or flood, or hurricane or anything. I know the businesses of course, but I’m not really good friends with any of the owners or employees,” said Tommy. “But I’ll be honest with you, it’s been a tough month for......
“They’re just mean,” Kira said. “They act like they want to be friends with me, but then when I find them at lunch they ignore and exclude me. It sucks,” she emphasized. “I know I’m not popular or anything, but they could at least be......
“I’m so angry with my family,” Walt said. “I never get any breaks. Life is always about working on the house, or working at my job to pay the bills, or helping out our neighbors. Seriously, I never get any FUN time.” Walt’s wife, Cynthia,......
“I am endlessly tired, Amy,” Vivian said. “I know my son needs extra attention with his recent diagnosis. I know my daughter is struggling with me not being around enough. I know my parents need extra time as they’re aging. But seriously, how much more......
“I’ve always been a runner,” Jane explained as she struggled to settle into the chair and prop her foot up on the footstool. “It’s who I am. I found running in my 20’s and started doing local 5K’s. Then I moved up here and discovered......
“I just don’t get my family. I’ve worked hard my whole life to give them what they need, and want! At the start of my career I’d work 60 hours a week or more, two jobs most of the time. I missed piano concerts and......
“So there I am, pouring my heart out to my mom. My oldest son had recently been in a car accident, and broke his leg. Our main family car needed $2000 of repairs and our credit cards are maxed out. My youngest daughter’s cat ran......
Missy and Suzanne had been best friends since their husbands met over 30 years ago. Marriages, children, sick parents, moves, renovations, churches—they’d been through it all together. “But now,” said Missy, “now I don’t know what to do.” Suzanne came to Missy and shared that......
“My father survived terrible childhood trauma,” Tabby shared. “Although he never talks to me about it, my cousin shared that my grandfather was physically abusive. And I’ve heard my grandpa be verbally abusive. Plus addiction runs in my family. I have an uncle who’s sober,......
“We’re here to work on our communication,” Sue said as she and her husband sat down. “I don’t think we know how to fight.” “Know how to fight?” said her husband Eric. “I’m sick of fighting! I want to be able to communicate better so......
“I am done with on-line dating!” Suzanne emphatically declared. “Oh no, what happened?” I asked. A few months ago Suzanne had passionately researched on-line dating options for people over 60, and landed on a few sites that focused on her age-range, retirement status, and her religious beliefs.
Bruce lives an enviable life. Having worked for years in the corporate world, his retirement includes the financial resources to afford luxurious vacations, high-end sports equipment, and a new modern home with expansive views. He enjoys an active dating life, attends various charitable functions, and connects regularly with his kids. As he was sharing all his accomplishments and resources with me, I began to wonder why he came in for counseling.
Bob started talking even before he sat down in the chair. “I’ve made so many changes in my life! Over the past few years I’ve stopped using substances, started exercising, included vegetables and fruit in my diet, reconnected with my adult kids, and just wrapped up my last debt payment. It’s like I’m a new person, and everyone is always complimenting me. But I still have times when I have the old thoughts and fight to not do old behaviors, like being mean and selfish to my family. I don’t want to be the old me anymore, but sometimes I feel like I can’t help it.”
Trevor looked at me with tears spilling onto his cheeks, “I just want to see my cousins for the solstice. We always go to their house. I don’t understand why I don’t get to go this year.” Trevor and I were in the middle of a play therapy session, surrounded by toys of food, dogs, cats, people, playground equipment, a grill, books, and his favorite stuffed animal. Trevor was creating a happy family celebration scene, and then showing me that unseen storm or force would come in and destroy the joyful scene.
