08 Jan Creating Family Change

“I’m not sleeping well, and I have no appetite. I find myself ending my days with a couple of beers more often then not.  I don’t know what’s going on.” Robert stared out the sliding door at the frozen creek, with dark circles under his eyes. 

“Has anything changed recently? Do you notice anything different in your life?” I asked. 

“I’m so sick and tired of being angry. I’m sick and tired of being disappointed, embarrassed, and stuck.” Robert started coaching recently to talk about his adult son and how to support him in moving out of the house and being financially independent.

“Robert, how long have you been angry with your son?” 

“Are you kidding me? Since he was a teenager he’s been driving me nuts!” Robert laughed. 

“No but seriously, how long have you been consistently angry and upset? Would you say it’s been weeks or months?” I asked. Long-term or chronic anger falls into this time-frame. 

“It’s been the past few years on and off, but it’s gotten really bad the past month. I don’t know why, but I just can’t shake it off the way I used to,” Robert explained. 

The Journal of the American Heart Association reports chronic anger has been linked to a higher risk of heart attack, stroke, and heart disease, and the Journal of Medicine and Life adds a higher risk of type 2 diabetes. Other studies report digestive issues, anxiety, depression, headaches, skin disorders, and substance abuse in conjunction with long-term anger.   

“I love my son. I know he has problems, and we’ve done everything we can to help him. We’ve paid for counseling, taken him to coaching, housed and fed him, covered his bills, helped him write a budget, sat up late into the night talking with him about his career, gone to family therapy, bought him a support dog, and on and on. We’ve tried everything, but I can’t keep going on like this. I’m in my 60’s, about to retire, and I’m ready to travel and try new things.” Robert paused for a breath. 

“It sounds like you’re ready to transition your son out of your home. That’s a big step,” I emphasized. 

“I know. We’ve tried before, but I haven’t been ready. But I think I’m ready now. I can’t keep living like this. I’m going to end up with a heart attack before I’m even able to enjoy retirement!” Robert looked nervous and relieved, all at once. 

The Pew Research Center reports 57% of 18-24 year olds live with one or both parents, and 18-19% of 25-34 year olds continue to live with their parent/s. Overall more young adult men choose this route then women.

As Robert and I talked over the coming weeks, we explored how there are many reasons young adults are living at home longer, from economic factors to residual impact from the pandemic. 

However when the living situation becomes consistently negative for family members (including the adult children), it’s time to re-assess the situation.

The key factor for Robert and his wife was being ready to follow through on the boundaries in the transition plan. 

We worked together each step of the way so Robert and his wife could create a plan with his son, follow through with consistent accountability conversations, communicate regularly, balance difficult conversations with positive family time, and be prepared to say no when needed.  

Even when it’s difficult, it’s important for us to notice health flags in our life and make adjustments as needed. What’s something you’ve been putting off that you’re ready to address in the new year?

“Sunrise over Mount Thorodin”, photo by Richard Brandon. The new year brings a new opportunity to address some needed changes!

Originally published in the Jan 8, 2026 edition of the Mountain-Ear